You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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