my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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