Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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