Got a toothbrush?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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