the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize