Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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