we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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