Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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