Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!

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  (805): As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!! http://tfl.nu/4n3e
  Replies (2) Good night (526) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.

  (818): View more from California

  haha i love mojitos

  (760): View more from California

  ya and i hate cabbage

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  (760): I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage. (818): haha i love mojitos (760): ya and i hate cabbage http://tfl.nu/vdoy
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (1942)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?

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  (978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl? http://tfl.nu/dwko
  Replies (47) Good night (5404) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

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  (920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (5318) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"

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  (314): I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/4mpo
  Replies (14) Good night (3825) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

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  (713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs
  Replies (9) Good night (5260) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3395) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.

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  (717): Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning. http://tfl.nu/u4c9
  Replies (5) Good night (1984) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.

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  (601): After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable. http://tfl.nu/u7w9
  Replies (5) Good night (2641) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.

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  (815): So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday. http://tfl.nu/ln4p
  Replies (3) Good night (1806) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.

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  (978): We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom. http://tfl.nu/rwqy
  Replies (2) Good night (1505) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (3016) Bad night (908)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.

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  (518): I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments. http://tfl.nu/u4vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1355) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question

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  (570): I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me (1-570): How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question http://tfl.nu/l5jk
  Replies (11) Good night (760) Bad night (1456)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I think you were raised by the wrong sister

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  (616): My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks" (1-616): I think you were raised by the wrong sister http://tfl.nu/18dn
  Replies (1) Good night (1316) Bad night (164)

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