The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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