my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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