oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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