I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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