i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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