State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize