accomplished twins. life is a go
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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