I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize