he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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