Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize