maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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