We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A bitchslap is in order.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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