420 ftw
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize