That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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