So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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