I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize