Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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