i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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