i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I came so hard my ears popped.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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