The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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