You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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