she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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