Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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