Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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