What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize