I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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