took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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