She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
3 2 1 whiskey
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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