I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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