Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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