I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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