You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize