He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This baby is an asshole
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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