He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize