Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize