just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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