Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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