Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize