It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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