Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize