and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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