Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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